Tuesday, March 27, 2012 @ 11:58:00 PM
The Breakup
And so, a final slap in the face to tell me to move on.
It was the biggest joke of the century. All the promises and anticipation was lost when the dreaded rumor was confirmed. I should have known.
I look back now and realised how pathetic I have been, dragging my feet in the mud, too afraid to step out into a brand new world. Who knows what lies ahead, but I have made my decision, and I hope I will stay true to it.
It takes a lot of courage to jump out of this meaningless life, but I cannot let myself down any further. I have suffered enough. A push into the ocean, and hopefully I'll swim and not get eaten by sharks.
This journey has been somewhat like a failed relationship with a cheating boyfriend. Someone who promises you the world, someone who gives you hope and promises you everlasting love. Into the relationship, you realise that the person you had began the relationship with is a totally different person. You heard rumors about your boyfriend cheating on you. Has he broken the promise of everlasting love toward you? Doubts, suspicion and denial. Rumors were confirmed. Betrayal and broken promises. The final straw, a breakup has been decided.
Lets pray the "breakup" happens as planned. I need my life, my freedom, my happiness.
It was the biggest joke of the century. All the promises and anticipation was lost when the dreaded rumor was confirmed. I should have known.
I look back now and realised how pathetic I have been, dragging my feet in the mud, too afraid to step out into a brand new world. Who knows what lies ahead, but I have made my decision, and I hope I will stay true to it.
It takes a lot of courage to jump out of this meaningless life, but I cannot let myself down any further. I have suffered enough. A push into the ocean, and hopefully I'll swim and not get eaten by sharks.
This journey has been somewhat like a failed relationship with a cheating boyfriend. Someone who promises you the world, someone who gives you hope and promises you everlasting love. Into the relationship, you realise that the person you had began the relationship with is a totally different person. You heard rumors about your boyfriend cheating on you. Has he broken the promise of everlasting love toward you? Doubts, suspicion and denial. Rumors were confirmed. Betrayal and broken promises. The final straw, a breakup has been decided.
Lets pray the "breakup" happens as planned. I need my life, my freedom, my happiness.
Labels: Angerism, blueism, Life
Monday, March 19, 2012 @ 8:43:00 AM
Fucked Up World
Fucking criminal. I hope you rot in hell. Because that's where u belong.
Labels: Angerism
Tuesday, February 07, 2012 @ 7:12:00 PM
Fighting A Losing Battle
Everyday, we are fighting a losing battle. We are like soldiers going to war without strategies, without weapons and most importantly, without a leader.
Regardless soldier or not, we need to be respected, yet something of this simplicity cannot be attained. Likewise, He has lost every drip of respect I had for him.
Don't talk to me like I'm stupid. This mess was created by you. We have been trying to solve the problems, but to no avail. We were left alone to deal with this trash, while you have been faking some illness. When I approached you for help this morning, did you know how unwilling I was to even look at you? You disgust me, totally. I was trying to ease future transactions. Yet time and time again you brushed it aside saying it ain't important. You know NOTHING about the backend transactions, how dare you say it isn't important! Do you know we are struggling each day to clear the mess you created?
I've given up, I will not raise any questions and suggestions. Since I'm so stupid, I shan't talk. I will wait for the day the ground below you breaks apart and you fall so far below that you can't climb out.
Monday, January 09, 2012 @ 9:51:00 AM
Colleague's Stupidity
Colleague comes over, and hits me on my back.
I said sternly, “Please don’t hit my back.”
Colleague laughs, continues hitting my back and asks why.
I said “just stop.”
She continues hitting and laughing.
_l_
Labels: Angerism
Monday, October 10, 2011 @ 12:32:00 AM
The Little Volcano Inside of Me
So many thoughts running through my head, so many unsettled issues. I have lost the ability to feel truly happy. With every little provocation, a volcano erupts inside of me.
Two weeks ago, when I was presented with an unfavorable situation, I literally felt the heat emit from my body. The heat rose to my face, I was furious, but I kept my cool. My mind hurled a thousand vulgarities, and yes, I could not smile.
I am terrified of the seemingly harmless people around me. I do not make fun of your imperfection, that is because I am being polite. It’s no longer fun when you laugh at my imperfection every single fucking day. I laugh with you the first round, I show unhappiness the second. The third time, I told you I hate it, and I ignore you on the fourth. Is that insufficient notice to show that I AM FUCKING OFFENDED?
As said, a volcano erupts whenever I am the slightest bit provoked. My body is probably overflowing with flaming lava, waiting to burn me alive.
Labels: Angerism
Tuesday, September 06, 2011 @ 1:04:00 PM
Cause I Have No Words
Every morning, my alarm rings and I forcefully open my eyes, and the same thought floods my head. “I hate my life.”
I drag my lifeless body from my comfort zone and prepare for a day of cursing and swearing. I have knowingly become an angry person. The anger inside of me is growing each day. Outbursts after outbursts. After all the angst, I fall into despair, about how helpless I am to change my life’s direction.
Everyone says, continue looking, someday, something good will befall you.
But when will this someday and something come. I am exhausted, of looking, of waiting. I have tried, but to no avail.
I have thought about succumbing to my pathetic life, to be just contented with what I have. Deep down, I know I want more, much more.
Courage and support, of which I have none.
I have never been so lost before. Lost, angry and in despair.
I drag my lifeless body from my comfort zone and prepare for a day of cursing and swearing. I have knowingly become an angry person. The anger inside of me is growing each day. Outbursts after outbursts. After all the angst, I fall into despair, about how helpless I am to change my life’s direction.
Everyone says, continue looking, someday, something good will befall you.
But when will this someday and something come. I am exhausted, of looking, of waiting. I have tried, but to no avail.
I have thought about succumbing to my pathetic life, to be just contented with what I have. Deep down, I know I want more, much more.
Courage and support, of which I have none.
I have never been so lost before. Lost, angry and in despair.
Do you feel cold and lost in desperation
you build up all the failiures all you've known
remember all the sadness and frustration
and let it go,
let it go
let it go
let it go
let it go
Labels: Angerism, blueism, Youtube
Monday, July 11, 2011 @ 6:17:00 PM
Hierarchy
Because I'm new, I do not have a chance to do what others do.
I accept, as long as you are going to teach. BUT NO.
Because I'm new, I am not invited to dinner events because you are not willing to pay for an additional head.
I try to accept. You invite me later due to insufficient head count. I denied your invitation.
Because I'm new, I cannot go for meetings and I have to stay in the office to SERVE CUSTOMERS.
I really hate doing it, but I begrudgingly accept.
Because I’m new, I cannot go for company activities even when someone has offered to stay in the office.
“Cannot you must go! The newest will stay and practice her customer service skills!”
I REALLY REALLY HATE IT!!!! This time I can no longer accept it. I AM NOT A CUSTOMER SERVICE OFFICER!!!
Please, allow me to find a way out of this torturous place. I really need it.
Friday, June 24, 2011 @ 5:43:00 PM
Woof Woof!
My frustration is getting the best of me. I get so frustrated whenever the damned bell rings. I am like some watch dog waiting for someone to throw me a bone. While I run to them wagging my tail furiously, my life is slowly draining out of me. Every time the damned bell rings, my anger level raises by a hell lot. Why must I be the one who does this job all the damned time?
My limit was hit its peak yesterday when a fucker rang the bell 4 times consecutively and demanded angrily why did I take so long to answer the door! I was taken aback by his rudeness and replied crudely, oh sorry. He said WHAT? I faked a pleasant apologetic voice and said sorry about that, sir.
Today, whenever the damned bell ring, I heaved a sigh, banged my hand on the table and pretend to be happy. So much that people think I am enjoying this damned job. It’s not that I do not like meeting people, it’s the miniscule work I am doing. I applied to be something else, not a customer service officer. I don’t think you need a degree holder to be a one.
I have past the angry stage. I am now in despair, the heavy rock has settled in. It’s permanent. Just once I hope I can open my eyes and all these had been a very bad dream.
Doing what I dread is one thing I have to carry out each day. Facing exclusion is another. While I have found some whom I can confide in, but it still bugs me. Is there something I am lacking? Is there something wrong with me? With each passing conversation, I am falling apart. I have tried, but I have failed. What you all have is a stronger bond which I am unable to penetrate.
What do I feel?
Alone. Desperate. Pathetic.
And there’s someone, who probably mocks my incompetency. Why do I still have so many doubts about how a system works? Well, because a company wasn’t built in a day. Are you able to answer all questions that I throw at you? I came in one week before you, it doesn’t mean I know more than you. You are able to bend the rules, while I am just a dog, who wags its tail when called.
My limit was hit its peak yesterday when a fucker rang the bell 4 times consecutively and demanded angrily why did I take so long to answer the door! I was taken aback by his rudeness and replied crudely, oh sorry. He said WHAT? I faked a pleasant apologetic voice and said sorry about that, sir.
Today, whenever the damned bell ring, I heaved a sigh, banged my hand on the table and pretend to be happy. So much that people think I am enjoying this damned job. It’s not that I do not like meeting people, it’s the miniscule work I am doing. I applied to be something else, not a customer service officer. I don’t think you need a degree holder to be a one.
I have past the angry stage. I am now in despair, the heavy rock has settled in. It’s permanent. Just once I hope I can open my eyes and all these had been a very bad dream.
Doing what I dread is one thing I have to carry out each day. Facing exclusion is another. While I have found some whom I can confide in, but it still bugs me. Is there something I am lacking? Is there something wrong with me? With each passing conversation, I am falling apart. I have tried, but I have failed. What you all have is a stronger bond which I am unable to penetrate.
What do I feel?
Alone. Desperate. Pathetic.
And there’s someone, who probably mocks my incompetency. Why do I still have so many doubts about how a system works? Well, because a company wasn’t built in a day. Are you able to answer all questions that I throw at you? I came in one week before you, it doesn’t mean I know more than you. You are able to bend the rules, while I am just a dog, who wags its tail when called.
Monday, November 29, 2010 @ 9:06:00 PM
How?
HOW HOW HOW?
Tell me how!
Thursday, August 19, 2010 @ 3:27:00 AM
SNORING FUCKER
I can't believe anyone has such ability to snore to damn fucking loud! Every night without fail, I hear this thunder-like snores.
Yes they disturb me to a GREAT extent. I feel so furious! I feel like slamming something so that it will wake you up so you will know that you are of a great disturbance!!
Mother fucker!! I also want to use a hammer and smash it into your god damn fucking face!
FURY!!!!!
This accumulated anger has led me to slam my wardrobe doors, slam my heaviest textbooks, and even slamming my door at 3.30am! But to no avail, thunder still continues!
Oh dear god. I swear I can kill!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Labels: Angerism
Monday, May 24, 2010 @ 12:03:00 AM
Fucking Hotmail
When I am angry or irritated I will unconsciously start crazily scratching myself. I will use quite a bit of strength to scratch. This causes the skin to become red and swollen due to my long fingernails.
This is happening NOW! I am mad angry! Angry to the max cause stupid hotmail is being a mad fucker! I can't view any of my emails cause there's some problem with the damn javascript! I tried Chrome. Safari. IE. I also tried accessing it through Safari on my itouch but it can't download attachments. The app does not allow me to view my junk folder. Now I'm stuck. I can't do anything else.
FUCKING HOTMAIL! I AM CONDEMNING YOU!
But I have been using this hotmail account since I was in Primary 4 or 5.
FUCK YOU HOTMAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Labels: Angerism
Tuesday, April 06, 2010 @ 5:18:00 PM
Alien Boy
This is the second time I met this particular boy.
He's about primary 3, wears the school uniform and takes the circle line at about 2pm.
I usually whip out my itouch when I board the train to play some alien game till I reach my destination. There was this day when I was engrossed in my game when this alien hand came and tried to snatch my itouch. I was shocked. He said "me len, me len!"
I could neither understand nor decipher what he was trying to say, so I said "sorry?"
He continued "me len!" and continued to try and snatch my itouch until I put it in my bag, he then moved to another passenger to snatch his device.
I was beyond shocked!
Today, I was on the NE line playing my alien game again when this not-so-alien-anymore hand tried to snatch my itouch.
Again, I was shocked!
This time, I hastily put my itouch away and he moved on to another passenger, a lady. He tried to grab her phone, and her already big eyes grew larger. She didn't let go, thus, he moved on to others. There were more commuters on the train this time, and everyone was rudely shocked by this boy's actions.
I can't believe he goes around trying to snatch people's devices, not once, but probably everyday! Beyond shocked I am.
I better read a book on the train instead.
Labels: Angerism
Monday, March 08, 2010 @ 5:12:00 PM
Fucking Idiot
This totally fucks me upside down.
I feel like slapping you or hurl vulgarities whenever I hear you speak, even after you have ended your speech. As I sat in in my chair, I looked straight ahead. Words just floated around me and there was this urge to scream "Shut the fuck up!" and just dash forward to throw some punches.
You ruined my day week month. Thank you.
Labels: Angerism
Wednesday, January 13, 2010 @ 11:46:00 PM
Four Fingers
The thirteenth day into 2010 and the third day of school, I poured boiling hot soup onto four of my fingers.
Nasty. Hot and stingy, with a pinch of numbness. Did I mention HOT?
A moment of shock, then "Ow!" I continued to hold the bowl with my four scalded fingers, and brought the tray back to my seat.
I told Chicken Asshole about it and he asked if it's the Yong Tau Fu. I replied, No, it's the handmade noodles. Chicken Asshole's reply was "I very long never eat already."
Winner.
The finger that got most of the soup hurts now, so I am one finger crippled. The other fingers feels sore.
Nasty. Saw 7 yes?
Labels: Angerism, blueism, Lunaticism
@ 12:13:00 AM
Stupid School
Today is probably the lamest day in 2010.
Stupid school decided to start at 0830 instead of 0900 due to the international students having to stay in school for a minimum of 3 hours. Long story short, stupid school. Two more semesters. *Chants* Two more semesters......
I had a 0830 lesson today, and the teacher is known to end class SUPER early, like in 15 minutes. She takes attendance, goes through the course syllabus, and THE END.
WTF?
I have to attend because it's the first lesson, and well, she takes attendance.
So, I left my house at 0720, reached the LT at 0830, she starts class at 0840 and by 0900, we're done.
Repeat after me. WTF.
I took 1 hour 10 minutes to reach school for a 30 minute class which is totally useless.
WTFWTFWTF
Wasted my travelling fees and my sleep. Z_Z
Labels: Angerism
Wednesday, December 02, 2009 @ 12:21:00 PM
A Blue Blue Day
She peered out of the window and saw him coming. “He’s coming right at me,” she thought. Her heart pounded with each step he took. “He’s nearly here!” She peered out once again, and he wasn’t there no more. “How is this possible? He was walking right toward me.” Her body fell limp and slid down the bleached white wall. Worried he might be playing, she looked out yet again. It’s true, he was gone. “He had walked past me,” she thought between choked breaths. She stood up, and walked out of the once welcoming doors. One step, two, she turned over her shoulders. Three steps, four, and slowly faded into the surroundings.---My neck fucking hurts, I can't turn to my right, up, or down. I have trouble even lifting up my hand. I have totally no enthusiasm to start reading my texts. Fucking neck ache.It's wrong, so wrong.
It's not right, it's never right.
It's worse.
Tuesday, November 03, 2009 @ 8:23:00 PM
Fuck you, life.
I want a sausage dog!
I want good brains!
I want motivation!
I want a car!
Ultimately, I want money.
Money is the root of all evil.
And you. You you you. Everything is about you. Since I'm such an eyesore why can't you just "blind" yourself. I avoid conflict, but you just pick on anything that you can think of. You just continue your unreasonableness. When can you ever put yourself in my shoes and see what it is like? Again I will say, I feel like leaving so I won't be your imperfect. But I am already your imperfect.
Some people have everything, while some have nothing.
Money money money.
Fuck you, money.
Fuck you, life.
Monday, October 12, 2009 @ 6:59:00 PM
Post Exam Blues
I feel damn sucky about last Wednesday's exam. I came out of the exam hall, without a bit of confidence about the paper. Now, I feel damn terrible about it. It's 40%! I can't afford to get a bad grade.
cursecursecursecursecursecursecursecurse
cursecursecursecursecursecursecursecurse
cursecursecursecursecursecursecursecurse
cursecursecursecursecursecursecursecurse
omg curse!
Sunday, September 13, 2009 @ 9:38:00 PM
Blues Clues
Banished, is that of what I feel.
Everything is refusing to go the right way.
I abhor my nails cause they are so freaking soft. They bend the other way. It's fucking painful. CURSES!
Took up a module too late, and I'm having so much difficulty understanding the first 20 pages of it. To be accurate, I don't know what am I reading at all. Three assigments due even before I attended any classes. WTF.
To garnish this perfect dish, there's so much resentment brewing inside of me. I can't help it. You make me feel that way. Without fail, every single fucking time. It's getting very difficult to face you. My insolence to your distrust. Whatever I do isn't to your liking. What you see isn't always what it is, when will you learn that? I can never be your ideal. So what can I do? I just feel like leaving, so I wouldn't be your imperfect.
Labels: Angerism, blueism, Life
Monday, May 25, 2009 @ 1:21:00 AM
To All The Losers Out There
This is certainly a whole new level of "Idiotism".
The word I can think of to describe you would be a loser. I guess it's destined that you will be a life-time loser. You've reached the 9th level of being the biggest loser! Which is one more level to the paramount goal.
I don't know where to begin explaining all the idiotic actions you did to amount to being such a numbskull.
Sore loser.
Pathetic germ.
Whiney bastard.
Revolting asshole.
Oh-I'm-Sooo-Great mindset. But infact you are just a pathetic, worthless shit.
Your actions are disgusting. You, on the whole disgust me. You lost, live with it. Stop complaining, because ultimately it's your own pathetic fault.
Shut the fuck up and die.
Oh, and if the "am I the loser" thought ever flashed arcoss your mind, but hesitated and began cursing me, then, you have reached the tenth level. Congratulations. You deserve it, loser.
I get so angry nowadays that the littlest of the littlest actions agitate me. I have this insatiable urge to slap your hedious face, or hurl endless vulgarities at you, because there's this boiling hatred brewing inside me.
Labels: Angerism
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